did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
