I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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