she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
