why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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