You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
