Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she pinky promised me she was 18
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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