I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
