I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
