I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We left an ass print on the piano.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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