somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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