Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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