i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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