There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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