I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
