He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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