On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
