WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
