We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
