Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
