she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
