i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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