my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
