you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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