I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
