How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
