We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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