I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
