problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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