I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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