we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
