i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
