Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
