Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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