Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
