At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
