i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
