Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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