Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
