remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
