Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
No subtext here. People are naked.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
