I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
