you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
