in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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