When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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