We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
