Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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