I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
