I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
no you cant smoke seaweed
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
