I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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