oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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