Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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